


How could it be?

by RedundantReaction



Series: I love him, but I miss you [1]
Category: Fire Emblem: If | Fire Emblem: Fates
Genre: Established Relationship, Late at Night, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Short One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-18
Updated: 2018-06-18
Packaged: 2019-05-25 00:08:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14964864
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RedundantReaction/pseuds/RedundantReaction
Summary: Leo thinks about his past relationship with Takumi, and how different it is to his relationship with Niles.





	How could it be?

Leo rested his head on Niles' chest, warm under their many blankets. A rhythmic heartbeat pounded away under his ear, and his chest rose with even breaths. His white curls shifted ever so slightly from the fan whirring above them. Leo lifted his arm from where it had been wrapped around Niles, reaching up to pull down a curl, watching it spring back into place. Despite the messy appearance, his hair was silky and thin. It wasn't like Takumi's thick bristle, each coarse hair like a wire, pulled together in a ponytail by sheer determination and three hair ties. It annoyed Leo to no end- how the hair would get everywhere when they slept. In his mouth, over his face, even strangled him once. He missed it now. Takumi had loved it when Leo combed through his hair, so much gentler than Takumi was with it. While he just tore at it with a brush, Leo worked each knot carefully, pulling it apart with his fingers, before even attempting a brush. Whenever Takumi came back from a bad day at uni or a bad day at work, Leo would gently pull out the hairband keeping it up, and knead his fingers against Takumi's scalp, rubbing his thumbs in little circles over points that made the boy sigh in relief. Once, when Takumi had complained again of the headaches his hair causes him, Leo suggested he cut it off. Takumi had sulked for three days, passing him with mutters of 'I was just complaining' and 'I thought you liked my hair', while Leo smiled and kissed him on the forehead, trying to keep his patience. 

When Leo had asked Niles if he would ever cut his hair, Niles just shot him a grin and a coy, "What would you have to pull then?" 

Takumi loved to read, almost as much as Leo did. They were constantly exchanging recommendations, and there wasn't a single celebration where a book wasn't given as a gift. Some days, Takumi would barrel through the door, eyes alight and a book held tightly in his hands.

"This was so interesting you have got to read it Leo!" 

They would sit down at their dinner table and talk about it. Talk about the story, the characters, how it was written. Together, they picked it apart to its bones. They almost never agreed completely - where Leo would criticize a character's actions as dumb, Takumi would defend them as necessary. They would bicker about it endlessly. No one could ever match him as well as Takumi in an argument. They could shoot back and forth, never running out of points and each with the knowledge to back it up. Takumi would get fired up the longer their bickering went on. Not angry, but passionate. Their favorite topic was military history; there was so much in the tactics, the motivation behind it all. They would go on dates to military museums, looking at old planes and photographs and medals earned by long gone soldiers. Leo would point out, looking at the Nazi uniforms, how foolish it was for them to invade Russia in winter, but Takumi would rear up, arguing that had they not invaded Russia would have time to assemble their forces properly and Germany would have lost all of their military advantage. 

Leo, amid another history book, explained this same mistake to Niles, in great depth. The other man listened, carefully and patiently while Leo made his argument. At the end, Niles simply praised him. "It's amazing you know all that." 

Takumi was fiercely competitive and it brought out the same in Leo. Their favorite games were chess (introduced and taught by Leo) and then shogi, a game from Japan that Leo always thought was just Japanese chess. Takumi would always get mad at him when he called it Japanese chess, so Leo only referred to it that way in his head. They would play one game, and then the loser would demand another until the tables turned. When Leo had first taught Takumi to play chess, they'd played 14 games in one night, only stopping when the sun began to rise. Then the next day, Takumi walked into his room holding a book on chess tactics, while Leo was still catching up on sleep and demanded another game, armed with more knowledge. The first time Takumi beat Leo at chess, his own game, it was a bittersweet moment. On one hand, he'd finally been bested in something he considered himself good at, but on the other hand, the triumphant grin on Takumi's face and the happiness etched on his face made it kind of okay. It was an odd mix of emotions. "I guess it's my turn to demand another match," Leo smiled, setting up the board again, placing his discarded queen on it. 

Leo didn't realize how frustrating it must have been for Takumi when he was learning chess, because when Takumi taught him shogi and he endured many, many losses he could do nothing but demand game after game until he got better. There were moments when he wanted to flip that board, or send the pieces flying everywhere, but he resisted, mostly. At least he didn't throw shogi pieces nearly as often as Takumi threw chess pieces. 

When he'd mentioned shogi to Niles, making sure to call it Japanese chess out of spite, Niles had given him a pleading look. "You already beat me at chess, do you really need another game to trash me in?" Niles only played chess to indulge him, and after a loss or two would hold his hands up in surrender, standing up from their playing table. Occasionally, Niles would challenge Leo to a game of cards, which he always had Leo beat in. Of course, Leo demanded a rematch, to which Niles would say, "why don't you save all that fire for the bedroom?" 

Leo had always thought that if he got too close to Takumi when the boy was excited, or mad, or upset, he might burn himself. He was always so passionate. When he got excited, he would get louder and louder, until he was shouting, and gesturing wildly with his hands. When he was mad, his whole face would go red, along with his chest and the tips of his shoulders. Leo often joked that he liked Takumi better mad, because he looked like a tomato. Every emotion Takumi experienced was clear to everyone, and Leo missed it. Leo missed hearing Takumi say exactly what he thought, instead of sideway remarks. Of course, this lead to fights and occasionally big ones. Leo could be harsh and cutting when he was angry, seeking to hurt Takumi. Afterwards, he'd have to convince Takumi for weeks that he didn't mean what he said, trying to placate the boy's bouts of insecurity. 

Niles was calmer. They almost never fought, and when Leo did snap at Niles occasionally, Niles would be placated with an easy apology, because Niles knew Leo never meant what he said when he was angry. 

Leo had been so sure that Takumi was the one (the one). He was so sure that it was all meant to be, some forces above them guiding them together. How could it not, when they matched each other so perfectly. How could it not, when Takumi was the only one who could ever keep up with him. How could it have been, when their play arguments turned into fights, when they couldn't stand to be in the same room with each other, when Leo couldn't read his favourite book because it only reminded him of Takumi's dumb opinions on it. 

Niles was a still ocean. Not a single wave to throw Leo around. Only the gentle pull of the current and the tide. Leo had been so unsure, when Niles had first asked him out. How could they work when Niles mostly liked to listen, and hardly talked himself. How could they possibly work when Niles was so unperturbed by anything Leo said to him. How could they work, when Niles was so different from Takumi. How couldn't they work when Niles was so different from Takumi.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you liked reading this.


End file.
